Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Indecision

It occurred to me that I haven't been posting much lately. I haven't been able to string two coherent thoughts together, let alone write something that might make sense. At least we have Kate to keep us entertained!

I've been preoccupied lately with a number of things happening at work. Some opportunities, some good things and some bad things. I've always tried to be the sort of person who works to have a life, not someone who works because it is my life. I don't want to be defined by my job, because it really isn't who I am. I work because I need to, and I have always tried to make the best of that.

I work for a bank, and I'm currently an Assistant Manager in one of our branches. I don't always like my job for various reasons but it's better than working in a coal mine, or panhandling on the streets, for example. I might still look in to panhandling, since I think it may pay better. There have been a lot of things going on company wide, and my manager and I were asked to think about making some changes. Our sister branch here in Portsmouth suddenly needs a new manager and assistant manager. Ideally, they want our manager to make a lateral move over there, and I would stay here and move up to manager. You're probably going to think I'm crazy, because most people do, but I really don't want this job.

I'm trying to sort out the pros and cons of this position. So, here they are:

Reasons why I would do this-

  • It would be best for the bank.
  • It would look good on a resume.
  • It would eliminate the possibility that someone new would come in as my boss and be worse than the current boss.
  • People expect me to.
  • I like telling people what to do.
  • I'm sorry, I can't come up with any more pros. I won't even list "getting a raise", because it would be negligible at best. Insulting at worst.

Reasons why I don't want to do this-

  • I hate customer service. Hate it. No, really, I hate it. I already don't love what I do now, and this would be all of my current job and then some.
  • I would be directly responsible to a certain employee of the bank. I would rather claw my eyes out with knitting needles than have to answer to this misogynistic ass.
  • I would have to go out on Business Calls, which means that I would have to go out and walk up to total strangers and convince them to come bank with us. There would be quotas.
  • I would have to get involved with certain community organizations. I don't have anything against these organizations, but I already have causes and organizations that I participate in, and none of these are acceptable to the bank. I would potentially have to drop the causes that I actually believe in to make time for shmoozy-boozy Chamber Functions that every one in town knows are just an excuse for an open bar.
  • I want more from my life than climbing up the corporate ladder, and it feels like I would be taking myself further and further away from where I really want to be.
  • Once, just once in my life I want to take a job because I really want the job. Not because I think I should.

I can't decide if it would be more adult and responsible to just take the stupid job. I'm trying to convince myself that it is more adult and responsible to make a decision to stay away from a job I know I won't be happy with. What do you think?

10 comments:

Kate said...

i have TOO MUCH to say on this subject. apologies in advance.

having worked for a very clever mysogynist in the past, i will say that life is too short to go through that intentionally. if you're taking this job to prove something to yourself, that is absolutely the wrong kind of person to work for. they'll convince you in no time flat that you are not who you thought you were. look up "bad bosses" on the web and do a bit of research. i discovered an overwhelming amount of advice from professionals and like-employed folks - you can work doggedly to try to make things right, but "getting out" is the only truly effective resolution and best way to save your career.

also, if elbow rubbing and ass kissing isn't for you, it just isn't. those of us who hate the idea of that kind of hob-nobbing can be good at it when we want/need to... but it makes us itchy and violent. pardon my rebelliousness, but if you'd rather not use your skills and talents in that way - then don't. sales, i shudder at the thought. you'd be legally pimping, maybe for less money than you might get if you did it illegally.

that being said, if there's a way for you to do the job YOUR way with a bit of compromise, and you'd be happy with that, go for it.

most of all... is it going to teach you anything about your "dream job"? i put quotes around that phrase only because it's something i'd love to have, but am terrified of at the same time... and i'm guessing it exists.

saying NO is definitely a sign of maturity. so is reasonable compromise. i guess you just have to ask yourself what reasonable means for you at the moment.

Heather said...

I don't think there is any room for compromise, unfortunately. It hasn't been an easy job for our current manager, but she seems to like it, which probably makes a difference. I think I really know that I don't want the job. I just hate having things hanging over me. I'm always sure I'll make the wrong choice or do something I will regret. It wouldn't teach me anything about my dream job, unless it were to teach me about sacrificing myself to someone else's views. And I'm already pretty well versed in that department. My constant need to be validated is showing, isn't it?

Kate said...

not any more than anyone else's. a friend of mine declared this mid-career crisis week. so really, you're just in synch. not that that should make you feel any better... if rent downtown weren't such highway robbery, i'd con you into opening a crafty store up here (over here? down here?).

Heather said...

"Up here" or "Over here" I think. Nitpicking about our locations aside, I wouldn't need much conning. It's all about money though. I was at a dessert tasting over the weekend, and I didn't see anything that I couldn't do myself. It made me wonder why I'm not doing that, and the answer is simply money. There has to be a better way.

Kate said...

there might be, i've heard VT is friendly to female entrepreneurs. i just haven't had the guts to jump into it alone.

http://www.vwbc.org/about.php
http://www.vtsbdc.org/

Alex said...

Check out Ann Zucardy's blog- Kate, you already know where to find it. Heather, there's a link to it from Rip and Read. (Actually, I was being lazy, here's the link: http://annzuccardy.typepad.com/vermont_shortbread_mmm/)

I would be HAPPY to ask her if she'd be willing to email or speak to you both on what it's like to start a business based on dreams.

She'd be very willing to talk to you, she's a very smart lady and very friendly.

She was in Boston this week speaking to other Female entreprenurs.

Alex said...

My god, the entry I just read has a LOT of value for this discussion.
Go to Ann's blog and read this post: Top Tips.

If the link doesn't work- paste this into your browser:
http://www.vermontshortblog.com/2007/03/top_tips_from_t.html

Steve said...

I mentioned this to Kate, but since she reminded me that I AM allowed to post on her blog I figured I'd add it here.
http://www.wbon.org/
That's the Women's Business Owners Network and one more way that VT is friendly to small business owners of the female persuasion.

Heather said...

Thanks, Steve! Maybe we should move to Vermont?

Kate said...

yeah, yeah! move to vermont! alex is leaving soon, so being pencil stabbed would be less likely.